Loch Ness Monster Rejected For Permanent Residency By Home Office - Dumbarton Reporter

In an apparent attempt at ironic defiance, a Scottish "arts collective" asked The Home Office to ensure that Nessie doesn't do a Nexit in the wake of Brexit. But would she really want to leave and risk having her shape and size regulated by the EU, as they do for bananas and cucumbers? Meanwhile much further south in Wiltshire, Researchers give voice to historic sounds of Stonehenge the boffins have created an app which recreates the "surprisingly sonorous properties" of the stones as they would have sounded thousands of years ago, which can only be an improvement on the traffic noise which nowadays thunders by this impressive structure. (LP)

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